My Anxiety


(Photo credit Pexels.com)

On Wednesday I posted my first article since February (Losing My Way)and to be completely honest I have never been so nervous or sick in my life.

It never used to be this way, when I started my blogs I was just looking for something to do while I was injured and couldn’t attend jiu-jitsu. While I had hoped that some people would read my work (it was only MMA related) I didn’t think that I would get the chance to sit cage side at the UFC let alone interview the president of the company.

The thing was back then, I knew what to write about and was excited to analyse and put something up from a passionate MMA supporter. It was also very much a learning experience for me; I worked out how to use blogger and WordPress along with such cool things like putting photos and YouTube videos in my blogs as well. At no stage did I have a problem with content or getting writers block, everything just seemed to flow and it was great.

Fast forward to today, this year I have posted twice and I have at least 10 unfinished pieces. This problem started when I tried to branch out into other areas (other sports, personal stories) something I have done since moving to Canberra for uni. I desperately didn’t (and still don’t) want to be seen as a one trick pony, the main problem has been the criticism I have received. This mainly has revolved around the comments I have received from my uni teachers, which really should have spurned me on to do better except I have dwelled on their comments. If I want to succeed in life I really need to handle the constructive criticism but in the back of my mind I battle with thoughts of whether I am good enough to do something as creative as writing.

After having it as a draft for 3 weeks I decided to hit publish but the feelings I had right up until hitting that publish button made me the most anxious I have been for a long time.

In Losing My Way I said that I was going to start making things happen instead of wishing for them to happen, so far I haven’t kept to that but hopefully with two published posts in one week I can keep this momentum going.

(This song has helped me out through some tough times-credit Spotify/Black Eyed Peas)

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